I was born in Nelspruit, but as a family we traveled around for most of my life. However, as a previous exchange student and having a passion for travel, I struggle to define myself by one physical location.
I have been married for 6,5 years and together for 10.
I married a good man, but over the years I battled depression. And with my second born, I faced challenges that now looking back on, may have been in my head, but they were my reality. Looking back I don’t see how I would have changed what I did, however, I knew that each challenge and each task has made me into the person that is begging to come out today.
Through the years I have battled with my weight, up and down and never stable. Until now where I can confidently say that having lost 20kg’s and being an active triathlete that I have conquered mountains I didn’t know were there. My newest challenge is helping those around me be healthier and happier, whatever that means to them, because my version and someone else’s cannot be compared
My lowest moment
The morning I woke up and realised that the life I had felt as though it belonged to a stranger, and I took the steps to make my one and only life, my best one!
I asked for a divorce
Because I knew that I was a traveler at heart, I have a big personality and know that the world is bigger. There are lessons to be gathered and learnt from the world over, and the feeling of being trapped in a world that I believe didn’t fit me, was never going to help or my husband at the time, to be the best versions we could be for our children.
We did 12 weeks of couple’s therapy and I did 12 weeks of additional personal therapy, I drew strength from know that although I was inflicting immense amount of pain, that the feeling of desperation I had within to be out, was all I could see. To truly come to terms with those feelings, I needed to go through the lessons in therapy, answer for myself, learn to write and express my feelings and one step at a time, transition to learning who the real woman was inside
We have one shot
I am living the notion of “you have one life, make it the best one” with that being said, no one truly knows the trials and tribulations and judgement that such a decision makes, but from within I see the last 10 years not as a regret, but as a means to the person I feel I am meant to be.
Life is not about finding yourself; it’s about creating yourself. I have created a beautiful world, in which I don’t recognize the person living in it. I am asking so that others can find that same inner peace, the same level of sanity and the same desire to live a life that doesn’t hurt as much as this one. Not because this one doesn’t hurt, it does, but I am asking to not have to hurt anyone any more than I have already, I want to teach my children the lesson my mom taught me, the one lesson I laughed off and ignored. The truth is simple, we are all insecure, on one level or another, in my world, it’s a number of levels, and from all of this, I can truly say that I am brave enough to take a step back from my life and to truly hear and accept the consequences of my mom’s words. Know who you are, before you can know who you are with someone else.
Only ever look back for 1 reason, to remind you where you came from, how far you have come and to remind yourself to push beyond what you ever dreamt could be possible
I am living those nasty comments and whilst there are always those people, we all build our truths on the cards we were dealt; I wouldn’t be here if I took every negative thing and believed them. We all live our lives, and we can’t expect others to always be accepting